Terms of Endearment
A Movie Created to Make You Weep
Breakdown
Film: Terms of Endearment
Release date: November 23, 1983 limited release, December 9, 1983 wide release
Directed by: James L. Brooks
Starring: Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, Jack Nicholson, Jeff Daniels and a lot kids
Screenplay by: James L. Brooks, adapted from Larry McMurty’s novel 1975 novel Terms of Endearment
Logline: Aurora, a finicky woman, is in search of true love while her daughter faces marital issues. Together, they help each other deal with problems and find reasons to live a joyful life.
Letterboxd rating: 3.8
Context
Terms of Endearment came to be because James L. Brooks cried while reading the book. In a Los Angeles Times interview, he said it was the “second time in my life that I cried when reading the book.” Known for a storied career in television, Brooks co-created both The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Taxi, Terms of Endearment was his first film.
Production was said to be tough due to the large personalities of Debra Winger, Shirley MacLaine and Jack Nicholson. Winger and MacLaine did not get along during the shoot, with Winger challenging MacLaine at every turn. Screaming matches ensued, Winger toyed with MacLaine endlessly hiding under the covers of the bed during a post-coital scene between Nicholson and MacLaine and even reportedly farting in MacLaine’s face. Adding to the erratic nature, Nicholson improvised most of his scenes, including most famously the scene on the beach where he slides his hand down MacLaine’s dress, and MacLaine later said, "it was a very tough shoot ... Chaotic...(Jim) likes working with tension on the set."
Despite all this, the film opened to critical acclaim and went on to gross $165 at the box office, becoming the second highest grossing film of 1983. The film received 11 Oscar nominations and won five: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actress (MacLaine, who beat out Winger) and Best Supporting Actor (Nicholson). In MacLaine’s acceptance speech, she alluded to her difficult on set relationship with Winger by stating, “I wanted to work with the turbulent brilliance of Debra Winger. She literally inhabited the character so thoroughly that I thought for four months I had two daughters.”
Thoughts on Viewing
(a timestamped rambling of facts, opinions, and necessary interludes)
0:30 I love this opening. It’s essentially a cold open, pre-credits, and it tells us everything we need to know about the movie in less than a minute. We start with a completely dark screen, and then see just a nightlight in the bottom right hand corner. From there we hear voices discussing a baby, and suddenly there’s Shirley MacLaine entering what we now see is a nursery.
MacLaine, playing Aurora Greenway, is terrified the baby is dead and can only relax once she has woken the baby up, making her cry. It’s a genius opening because it:
Establishes how emotionally needy and abusive Aurora’s love will be.
Walks a fine line between feeling laugh out loud funny and disturbing all at once, but lets us know this film’s got jokes!
Warns us to be wary of Aurora.
1:11 That is some 80’s font if I have ever seen it. Note the three x’s. Honestly I always get confused with x’s and o’s remembering what equates to what and have to look it up. Also, Wikipedia says x’s are hugs and AI Google Review (which I did not ask for!) says x’s are kisses, so apparently even the internet has confusion on this point.
2:11 Dad’s dead and Emma, now 6 or 7, has crazy hair. We’re moving fast here.
2:22 On first watch, I hated, HATED, the score, but on repeated viewings I found the score pleasantly bright and fun here in the beginning while the credits roll. While perhaps a tad cheesy, we get more information on what type of movie this is going to be—heightened dramatically, but with a soft comedic edge. Never let us forget James L. Brooks comes from a sitcom background.
3:48 Why does Debra Winger have braces on here? I understand we’re establishing her teenage years here, but couldn’t we have used an actual teenage actress? Debra Winger was 27 when they shot this film, and while she looks great, a teenager she is not and the braces really gave me a jump scare.
3:50 I’m sorry, but it needs to be reiterated, that smile with the braces is CRAZY, but I do love Debra Winger’s voice. It has such a shocking, deep throaty quality that always catches me off guard at first. It’s so truly unique, different in tone but similar in feeling to Holly Hunter.
4:35 “Sure would be nice to have a mother somebody liked.” is just a great James L. Brooks bit of writing and indicative of how witty his best work is. I’m keeping track of my favorite lines from the film, so let’s call this Great Line #1.
7:00 We’re establishing a lot in these opening scenes!
Aurora doesn’t like to fuck. Noted. This feels important!
The astronaut next door keeps coming up. Also important.
Emma, played by Debra Winger, loves musical theatre. As a character detail I love this, because it establishes exactly what type of nerd she is, but hate it because I was also that nerd.
The braces are gone (thank God) and she’s getting married!
7:23 Great Line #2
Emma - “What do you think she wants?”
Patsy - “I don’t know, maybe she’s going to tell you how to have sex.”
Emma - “She’s gonna what? No. She only knows how to avoid it.”
9:50 Great Line #3
Aurora - “You are not special enough to overcome a bad marriage.”
10:43 I promise I won’t be stopping every 30 seconds to comment the entire film, but there’s just so much important establishing information right at top here. We’re learning how the film works; we’ll be moving from scene to scene through time and hopping over important milestones to land on moments always before or after the milestone. It’s an interesting choice for a screenplay and makes the scenes feel more unexpected, but often requires a lot of exposition. Here, we’ve obviously missed the wedding and are getting Emma and Flap, played by Jeff Daniels, reacting after the fact. Is Jeff Daniels kinda hot here? Also, what kind of name is Flap? Google tells me his actual name is Thomas. Sidenote, my husband yelled, “What is wrong with that house?!?” when we see the first establishing shot of it with the paint peeling off. Nancy Meyers real estate porn this is not.
11:15 Great Line #4
Flap - “Emma, your mother boycotted your wedding, she hates your husband, and she only holds you in medium esteem.”
13:23 Having sex to “Gee, Officer Krupke” from West Side Story is a truly deranged choice.
15:32 First Jack Nicholson sighting! Despite the fact that he won an Oscar for his role as Garrett Breedlove, I always forget he’s in this. And yes, his name is, in fact, Garrett Breedlove (does that seem a little on the nose to anyone else?) and he is our aforementioned astronaut. And Garrett is a cad! Look at those ladies he’s with, and with Aurora watching! It’s pretty clear they will have a fling at some point.
21:48 The clowning Garrett Breedlove is doing with his face here is so surprisingly funny and off putting all at the same time. It’s clear he doesn’t take himself too seriously and is willing to play the fool, but also wildly immature. It’s the first moment you really understand how good Jack Nicholson is going to be in this role. Sidenote, originally the role was written for Burt Reynolds, who had to turn it down to make Stroker Ace instead. I can see how the part of a womanizing astronaut would be written for Burt Reynolds, but I just can’t imagine him opposite Shirley MacLaine. I think she would have swallowed him alive.
27:43 - Random thoughts:
I love Des Moines getting some recognition in this film. We need more films set in the midwest.
I don’t want to shit on little kid actors, but let’s just say there have been better performances than that of Shane Serwin playing little Tommy.
This is where the score really starts to grate in my opinion. It’s the same treacly melody played over and over again; we get it!
30:20 Great Line #5
Aurora - “Imagine you having a date with someone where it wasn’t necessarily a felony.”
32:25 Garrett comparing his space missions to sex is just a really great bit of comedy writing and showcases why I think Burt Reynolds would not have worked as well in this role. Nicholson has such a knack for playing charming and off-putting all at once, magnified by his devilish grin. Reynolds would have been too handsome and too much of your traditional womanizer to make it an interesting character arc. It’s should also be noted that the character of Garrett was created by Brooks and Nicholson and wasn’t found in the novel at all.
36:16 We’re firmly established in Des Moines now, Emma has had the second child and we’re getting our first inkling of marital strife! But don’t worry! Everyone in Flap’s classes will get a B because he needed to fuck Emma instead of reading their work. Just totally normal, regular guy teacher behavior. Nothing to be worried about here.
42:10 Marital strife here we are! It’s curious how in the world of the characters years have passed, but it’s been roughly 6 minutes of screen time since our first hint of trouble between Emma and Flap. It’s been well established now how we are jumping in and out of moments in these characters’ lives, but because so little time has passed for us as viewers, some of these dramatic arcs feel well, not very dramatic. Something is intimated and then it happens immediately after. It’s the opposite of dramatic tension and starting to wear thin for me already.
43:17 These kids are going to need so much therapy.
46:28 Here comes Sam Burns, played by John Lithgow, to the rescue! I recently watched De Palma’s Blow Out, where Lithgow plays a contract killer, so it’s nice to see him in something lighter again. He really sells that, “Nice boys. And you’re great with them too,” after Emma screams at them in the parking lot. It’s a wonderful line reading and speaks to how interested he is in Emma romantically, willing to overlook how overwhelmed and distraught she is here.
49:57 For not being a sexual woman, Aurora sure does have a harem of men following her around. I love how the image of the three men in the window, desperate for her attention, drives her to pursue Garrett simply because he doesn’t want her.
53:37 My first real belly laughs of the film and some of the most sitcom-esque work Brooks is showcasing. It’s a joke told in three parts.
First, we get Aurora struggling to keep her hair covered in the wind as Garrett speeds down the highway with the top down. It’s pure comedy and McClaine sells it fully.
Next we get Aurora walking into the restaurant, her hair a disaster. As someone raised on Bridget Jone’s Diary, I couldn’t help but think of that similar moment when Bridget shows up at the hotel, her hair sticking straight out from the car ride.
And finally we get Aurora ripping the hair piece off her head in the bathroom before sitting down to eat. It’s just such a great use of the visual medium of film to build on a joke and keep it going. Five stars for the commitment to the bit.
55:30 Great Line #6
Garret - “You need a lot of drinks.”
Aurora - “To break the ice?”
Garrett - “To kill the bug that you have up your ass.”
56:07 Great Line #7
Aurora - “Impatient boys sometimes miss dessert.”
1:01:35 This is by far my favorite part of the movie. The alternating scenes between Aurora’s date with Garrett and Emma’s illicit meeting with Sam are really funny and unexpected. Unlike so much of the film, these scenes seem less tied to moving the plot forward expeditiously and more concerned with character and scene. It’s a nice change of pace and provides so many great moments—Garrett driving the car on the beach, Sam picking Emma up to kiss her, Garrett getting his hand caught in Aurora’s top. There’s also a nice balance in these scenes as we watch each woman—mother and daughter—pursue pleasure and joy over responsibility.
1:02:18 Great Line #8
Aurora - “I just didn’t want you to think I was like one of your other girls.”
Garrett - “Not much danger in that unless you curtsy on my face real soon.”
1:10:36 Great Line #9
Garrett - “I like the lights on.”
Aurora - “Then go home and turn them on.”
1:10:45 I love how awkward Aurora and Garrett’s first sexual encounter is. It speaks to how vulnerable sex can be and how terrifyingly intimate. It feels more authentic than most people hopping into the sack in movies of this era.
1:15:30 I know we’re meant to think of Garrett’s self-aggrandizing display of his NASA career as tacky, but if I was a former astronaut I would never shut up about it. I’d talk about myself nonstop, just like vegans and crossfitters.
1:18:05 Garrett sharing his story about flying and how it will stay with him forever—the moment he can’t forget—leading directly to Aurora sharing that lying in bed with him is her moment is such a rare piece of dialogue that feels really honest and earned in the script. It’s built out of actual character development as we watch Garrett and Aurora grow to care about each other over multiple scenes and so it shocks you with its honesty, unlike the more heavy handed and obvious turns in the script.
1:19:30 It’s been confirmed! Flap IS CHEATING and with a grad student who wears blazers! And one who has no problem stroking his cheek while he has a baby strapped to him! Cheating is one thing, but cheating with a baby strapped to your front… wow.
1:21:00 That damn musical theme strikes again.
1:21:49 Aurora’s face dropping as the children yell “Grandma” really showcases what great timing MacLaine has. I keep replaying that moment and it gets better every time.
1:26:30 Stray observations:
Is Emma’s nose the only part of her body that burns. Why is it covered in zinc so she can sit in the shade?
That phone is ginormous.
Let it be said again, those poor kids are going to need SO MUCH THERAPY.
Patsy talking about dating Jews in LA and how “lively” they are has not aged well.
1:29:30 Okay, I am now convinced this film would have sucked with Burt Reynolds. The scenes between Aurora and Garrett are the strongest moments in the film, largely due to the chemistry of Nicholson and MacLaine and it’s clear in these scenes how comfortable they feel, as actors, to push each other and explore their full emotional capabilities. We also get Great Line #10 here: Aurora - “You don’t even know how much you’re going to miss me.”
1:33:27 OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH SHIT! The mistress is in Nebraska too?!? I was not expecting this turn of events.
1:34:30 Oh no, this was the part of the film I was dreading. I don’t really love disease movies, except for Me and Earl and the Dying Girl—which is a great, great film about how art helps us make sense of love and loss—so I’ve been trepidatiously waiting for the cancer plot to kick in. Walking into the film, it was the only thing I actually knew happened—CANCER—and here it begins. (Sidenote, go watch Me and Earl and the Dying Girl! It won’t disappoint.)
1:36:15 This is what I was talking about earlier with story structure! Two minutes ago we heard of a lump and now it’s cancer. I understand that life has unexpected turns all the time, but I believe the script could have done a better job of setting the groundwork for this dramatic shift. It just doesn’t resonate the way I think the script intends because it occurs so suddenly.
1:39:19 We are in New York City (my hometown!) and Patsy is taking Emma to meet some of her friends on a little I have cancer so let’s get away to not think about it trip. This scene is filled with great details showcasing how different these women are from Emma including:
One of them being named Lisbeth, not Elizabeth. Lisbeth is such a pretentious name (sorry to all the Lisbeth’s out there).
Patsy’s friends being shocked that Emma has never held a job.
Emma ordering an ice cream sunday the size of her head for dessert.
1:43:28 All it took was cancer for Emma to finally get the Renoir….
1:45:20 I know this scene that lasts less than a minute isn’t the sole reason that Shirley MacLaine won the Oscar, but if it was, I wouldn’t be upset. The eruption of emotion that you watch Aurora go through, her desperation to ease her daughter’s pain, to try and exhibit any control against a brutal disease and an uncaring system is so fully realized, it makes me choke up every time. It’s a seismic journey that we are taken on in a matter of seconds and impossible to turn away from.
1:47:00 I know I’m meant to be moved by the surprise arrival of Garrett, but I just couldn’t get over this hotel where the rooms face the pool like this but it’s all enclosed. It’s like an indoor motel. What is this place?
1:48:17 Great Line #11
Aurora - “I’ll be at the hospital all the time. I’ll call you. No, if I do that and there’s someone there I’ll hear that funny sound in your voice. I don’t care. Who cares? I don’t care. I’m glad you came. I love you.”
1:51:24 Out of all the reasons to take issue with Flap—the lies, the cheating, the refusal to really care for the children as needed—the most alarming red flag is the fact that he stacked four pieces of white bread on his tray at the hospital as part of his meal. They aren’t sandwiches and there doesn’t appear to be any peanut butter or anything to put on the bread. There are simply four pieces of lone white bread that he is going to eat as part of his meal. That man needs to go!
1:52:10 Okay, I’ve had just about all of this that I can handle! Flap hasn’t talked to his children about his wife dying of cancer; Emma’s best friend, Patsy, wants to raise Emma’s daughter, Melanie, and POTENTIALLY her boys; and Aurora wants the children and NONE OF THIS HAS BEEN TALKED ABOUT YET! Who are these people???? I come from a midwestern family where we suppressed every emotion possible for fear of causing conflict and even we wouldn’t have taken things this far. Make it make sense.
1:52:19 Great Line #12
Aurora - “Raising three children, working full time, and chasing women, requires a lot more energy than you have. You know, one of the nicest qualities about you has always been that you recognized your weaknesses. Don’t lost that quality now when you need it the most.”
1:57:59 All I have to say here is that no good friend would ever apply makeup this poorly on their dying friend unless they secretly had a vendetta against them. Emma looks like she been through a bad makeover challenge on Drag Race.
2:02:10 Debra Winger is working really hard for that Oscar in this scene as she tells her oldest that she loves him and doesn’t begrudge his teenage (is he a teenager yet, or just a really angry 10 year-old?) hostility, but I’d give the award to Huckleberry Fox, who plays Teddy, the younger son. That kid can cry with the best of them.
2:03:15 Aurora slapping and wrestling Tommy onto the bench was not on my bingo card for the end of this film, but again showcases what a good character Aurora is and what a great performance Shirley MacLaine is giving every second of this film.
2:08:38 Emma dies while Flap is asleep, him being a fuck-up to the bitter end. The funeral occurs back in Houston, Patsy comforts Flap, Garrett walks around with Melanie and helps Tommy cope with his melancholy by showing him his pool while Aurora watches on with her roots grown out and grey in her hair and that’s the end. THAT’S THE END! What in the world is that ending?
Cross-examination
Why is this film beloved?
Terms of Endearment is grief porn; there I said it. As someone who listened to specific songs in his twenties just so he could cry (and I cried a lot already in my twenties), I understand the impulse to love art that engenders a strong emotional response, but I found the film manipulative instead of moving. I couldn’t help but think of Hamnet, which left me similarly annoyed at how much energy was spent pushing me toward one specific emotion, sorrow, instead of allowing me to find my own way there.
So why do people love this film and why was it nominated for 11 Academy Awards and won 5? Most probably for the reasons I ultimately found the film lacking. The film doesn’t just hold your hand and lead you toward its somber conclusion, it kidnaps you and forces you to say, “This is sad. This is depressing.” That being said, there is a lot to love within this film. The performances across the board are excellent, but Shirley MacLaine and Jack Nicholson are truly extraordinary, transforming sometimes maudlin scenes into works of art with their charisma and presence. Debra Winger is grounded, funny, and authentically salt of the earth like many of the women I knew growing up and is able to transition from comedy to the dramatic third act with aplomb. And the script does have some real zingers, hence all the Great Lines we found along the way. For all my griping about the film’s heavy handed ending, there are real moments of emotion that leap off the screen throughout the film—Shirley MacLaine breaking down at the nurse’s station, Debra Winger telling her oldest child not to look back at his actions with guilt, Nicholson and MacLaine flirting and trading insults. Ultimately, I’m glad I watched Terms of Endearment. There is a lot to love here, and I understand why some people consider this a classic, but I wish Brooks had trusted his audience more, instead of force feeding them his soap opera theatrics. To quote Randy Jackson, “It’s a no for me dawg.”